One of the things that really stood out for me whilst compiling this selection of iOS games is just how many of them, were they released today, would probably be ruined by “put a coin slot in it” lunacy.
Take Flamin Stack for example. It’s simple. It’s one of those gamble for tickets for a box of Dennis The Mennis bangers machines you get at arcades, a series of squares flit across the screen, TEST YOUR REACTIONS.
Can you line them up or will it all go nobs and bam, you fail? Press a button to find out.
Horrible, cynical, manipulative thing that it is in the first place, always, always with that “I could have made that, just let me try again” and then throw in the higher you get, the bigger the prize, but man, the game is so fast, the speed those squares flit past incredibly difficult to predict their landing unless you’re some sort of crazy superhuman freak but I am a human and I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS. ONE MORE GO.
Bam. Screwed it again.
And sure enough, surfing around to see if there’s been more things of a similar nature released recently, there they are with their put a coin slot in it mentality. No longer do you get to sit in comfort and enjoy these cynical bastard machines without having to worry about pumping your money into a slot and hoping for a few pieces of card in return (or if you’re a proper big grown up in the grown up area, maybe it’ll give you a fiver or something, I don’t know), now it’s just put that money in the money piss hole and get nothing back but a digital blip.
God, how did we get here? The arcade died for us to have comfortable one payment entertainment at home in high definition but no, it’s never enough.
Where was I? Flamin Stack, right. Yeah. Flamin Stack. It’s a game where you press a button to line some squares up and it’s dead fast and stuff and like that thing in the arcades, just like that thing in the arcades except you pay 69p once and like me, you can play it for years to come when you’ve got 5 minutes on the bus or on the bog and you don’t have to pay again because the person who made this isn’t horrible.
It even scores you in the minus so you can get that horrid feeling of just how much money you would have lost doing it for real. Or if you buy one of those other ones filled to the brim with IAP.
Be careful out there and don’t have nightmares.